ELTRQSHCK ,

This is what we called life.

2010-08-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

My mom was the person I trust most and place for me to feel safe and sound. Second part of my personality quite true. I can be more sweet with person I truly care. I doesnt get along with people easily and I kinda unpredictable. I do like friend with alot of peolpe but I have a truly few closest, very closest friend and I love and care for them. When I want to start to know someone, I do care of my way to befriends with people. Strong in a relationship? I dont have any comment because I do not like to judge my own life of relationship. I am moving forward person because I like, its not like but I do make mistake and learn from it. Everyone do the same thing right? and I struggle too much to settle things down. Emotionally overload person.

What alif said about me kinda real. It makes me wonder.

I am not such a good keeper. Imma striker.

2010-06-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

I REALLY MISS THOSE DAY.

I really am.

Really miss having fune with those people.

Yeah when I say fun, is really mean some awesome kick-ass's time.

Some friend doesnt stay too long.

I told ya, Im not such a good keeper.

Keeper of too many friend.

Mr and Mrs Goodie. Bweh.

2010-05-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

Okay now only i have something story to tell about.

Yesterday i have been starving like hell and plus bored to death untill i can watched and repeated 3 movie again and again. Haha how lame it is. As always, i updated my tumblr and so on, doing some sight-seeing on website and put my ym status : Lapaaa =.=
Suddenly Dola buzzed me and asked me if wanted to join him going to gadek. At first i feel like dont want to go anywhere because to lazy to get out from this house and my tummy were growling. Then he said lets go grab some food and then only we can go to gadek.

Huh i feel so alive!

So we went to Mcd at Ayer Keroh and saw Azyan with others were on their way to holiday's vacation, perhaps. After done with the eating, we straight away to gadek. I cant stand too long inside the hot pool. About 2 hours we get ready to go back, but we stop by at this one stall to have a breakfast.
This is, here what really i want to talk about. Dola asked Hakim to join breakfast with us. I thought when he knew that im with Dola, he wouldnt want to join but no, he came. Okay awkward. He doesnt speak with me one word, even doesnt bother to say "HI" to me. How rude is that. How do you feel when one of your closest friend, the one you had known since you were in high school does not look and talk with you and act like he doesnt know you? I feel terribly sad. It just because i had said something that might be make him feel mad at me and now he dont want to talk with me again. Nice. Hey he doesnt bother to look at me okay! Urgh!
But somehow i thought its a some sort of revenge on you. What you feel now is what i had felt, man. So sucked it up like a man please. We were 20 now! If you want to feel mad at me, please carry on because i dont care anymore. I'll forgiving you as always. This is not how you treat your friend. Thats what you get. Hey do you ever hear this quote "what goes around comes around". I bet you do. And i dont need to explain anything, again.

We paid for our breakfast then shuuuuv we went back. Now im here writing this emotionally bullshit feeling. Urgh. Fool pig, you cunt, Im sleepy. Night night. Its 9.12 in the morning and now i want to sleep? What such an asshole am i huh?

1 week to go.

2010-05-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

Okay no mood for writing, for now. Being such a lazy asshole. In everything.

And i have been checking this blog, and there were some grammar mistake, or a load. Bwehehe IMMA SORRY. IMMA SOGGY.
Woo that not sound quite right? is it? Foo'!

Anyways this blog wasn't an open blog actually. Nothing interesting. Toddle-loo.

Memories are the best souvenirs.

2010-04-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

So I guess, he happy now. Im totally break down and Im lost.

But why?

You could just say something.
Now I get it, even though I get it wrong, still I get it.

Emotion emotion emotion.

P/S: I dont give a fuck if he hate me because Im being like this.

PartyGirlDoubleZ? What the fuck?

2010-04-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

All the crazy shit I did tonight.
Those will be the best memories.
I just wanna let it go for the night.
That would be the best therapy for me.

The day before yesterday was Jazmine's birthday party at Areena Deluxe Hotel. Having fun like hell and we sleep over there, just Me Kay Afiq Helmi Dayat and Vincent. Helmi annoyed like seriously, thought that he would be sleeping like 5 6 hours since he was like hyper-active, making jokes, disturbing people but he just slept like 2 hours and then he the first person woke up and makes a noise. Ergh! but i admit it, HE A FUN PERSON TO HANG OUT WITH :) enough about Helmi gedik haha. Then Afiq woke me up at 11 because we have to check out at 12. Took a bath and packing then straight away back to bbp. I had like 2 hours rest before get ready for some exhibition for HIV at Dataran Pahlawan from 3pm till 10pm. Argh so restless but i still can going through without any problem. Arrived at bbp like 10 something and went to Gulf with Dila Vincent and Dayat, had my dinner. Then suddenly Hakim text me and ask me something. Haha and then we went to pure, with Kay as well. Its just like spontaneous plan. We thought, if we had like tired and restless day ever, we should done as hell. Thats why we went to pure. At pure as usual, this one part that pure had this competition thingy between girls, so Me and Kay went to besides the dance floor and watched. Suddenly i saw someone and i was like WTF. He's the one. He's soooo cute, i dont know whether he's a malaysian, indonesian, or what untill just now i found his facebook. His name like fucking weird. Then i know now the girl that always with him were his girlfriend. DAMN! what a shame. Im just saying that i like him. Im not kinda into him or what.

Haih what the fuck im trying to tell here. So boring. Because im bored right now and tired.

But however last night was the saddest ever. He (name to be unknown) told me that you used to love me like hell, i just reply i dont know i dont know that he was like that and he said who ask me to done something stupid and not appreciated him then i was like Yes, Im Fucker. I do admit with this pieces.

I really dont realize untill someone said something like that. Because i thought you were never really love me.

I miss you, so.

2010-04-07T19:35:00.000-07:00

I HAVE BEEN THINKING TOO MUCH AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE.
I'VE BEEN DISTURBED LATELY.

Lie to everyone but friend.

2010-03-10T08:20:00.000-08:00

My hand is getting better. and i dont know for how long im gonna be like this. its not like im having fun doing this but its already in me, for somehow im wanted to let my emotions out. and i dont like people to label me as a mentally-pyscho-girl. fuck you. you just dont know what the hell im going through since i was kid. but however i just love enjoying my life, especially with my craziest friend.

Oh wait wait. hmm i just dont know what to say, ever feel like "hey why are you so fucking hypocrite, dude?". okay its a good thing you had to lie, maybe because you dont want people to say something bad. but please what so fucking hard to tell something truth. im just too tired to solve a fucking riddle! actually i dont really bother at all but once people said, I JUST FUCKING PISSED OFF. everyone had a life. you had a hard one, tough. so do i. but its not a same, its really not fucking same at all. im not telling my issue-life because its not like, i dont trust you or what, i just hate to tell people about my fucking pathetic life, but yours were different. okay let me say something, you can just come clean. we as a friend just wanna help.

Im not insulting your life. But im saying here because i do care about you.

Did i even know you or you were totally bullshit, man?

2010-03-04T13:56:00.000-08:00

Yeah here i am sitting infront the lappy and i dont know why. updated tumblr, twitter and listening to Justin Bieber's song. He's soooo cuteeee! haha okay okay. Its almost 6 am in the morning. just got back from hang out with Afiq Kay Helmi Dayat and Vincent. First of all i woke up by ili at 8.30 pm like that, i asked her to wake me up because i had a futsal training. supposedly there were no training on thursday but what the fuck i dont know why suddenly shasha sent a text message last night that we will have a training. Okay doesnt matter, took a shower and get ready. but unfortunately or fortunately i didnt go to the training,haha i dont know why. then went to dima to had a dinner with others - who only leaves in melaka. plus Jazmine and Muhaimin. After dinner went to ocean nears the Eyes Of Malaysia, laughed talked laughed talked we went to Mcd Dataran had some food. Then lastly went to Portugis Settlement, hanging out over there. We took a video shoot. Fuuuhh im look like a retard. but however quiet fun :) Sadly Kay will be going back tomorrow with Helmi and Dayat. and leaving me here, and i have management accounting exam this night -since now its already friday.

I WANNA CRY OUT LOUD. this is an another story. stay strong sara. you were suppose missing who you thought he was not who is he right now. hmm okay okay, IM MISS MY FAMILY, i coming home this night! Yippie !

Its seem easier to be apart?

2010-02-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

Feel like dying right now, cause really annoying with this flu and sore throat, fuck it! Even I cant sit down infront of the telly to watch movie, because i cant hardly breath and how am i suppose to sleep in this condition? head spinning, unhealed cuts, running nose, restless eyes but still IM QUIET HAPPY OKAY. i want to cry, i want to cry because im too happy? and really not very sure what i feel right now. and i know why. Im just scared, thats why. but better yet, i dont want to be over confident and too happy because i dont know a shit about his thoughts. you just need to chill, sara. Fuhh deep breath deep breath! and guess what madafaka? i set We Might As Well Be Strangers by Keane as my ringtone. so what?!

I want the goddamn photosss! I just want it!

Ohh and yess, i hate shit happens surround me. Shush Away, Shitty.

Okay I swear I was fucking overreacting, So what?

2010-01-31T16:06:00.001-08:00

Every time i want to write something it must be an early in the morning, and i dont freaking know why. might be because i had something to spit it out. or i just bored, and somehow i want to write something about something. today is a second month in this year. and a third month since i haven't seen him. so.. just got back from some like a stupid waste session but believe or not, im into it. volunteering myself even thought im not sure its gonna change me or not. i just know myself, if i want i will do it :) whadefakk righty right? and now i just do whatever it takes to show some profit.

Nowadays, i just easily get pissed off over a stupid things and it was really stupid. i know, im too stupid to get mad to stupid things and its really stupid. dont need to mention, i know im stupid. okay shut up. pfft! toleration is just fucking sick weh! stop pleasing people with your fucking hypocrite-faces! i dont need you to judging my fucking life, i live my live in my own fucking way and god knows better what the heck am i done and will do with my priceless fucking life. have you ever feel like you want everything to go your way and when everything seem to be like you want it to be, you just get mad and start to pissed everyone around without reason because you too scared, its feel like something gonna be bad or in an other way, or may i say exact word you was too scared that you feel like losing him, so you get piss off easily. thats what fucking happened to me! yeah yeah now i said it because now just i know why. hey i just straight forward person, oh come on! if i say i do like, i do like if i say i dont, so i dont THATS FUCKING IT! everyone had a fucking ego. as mine, i dont know but i think yours is bigger than mine so you and me just stood up at each other places. you were there, i am here being stupid and blaming over and over and over and fucking over. its not who suppose should have been blamed that matter, at the end it still a fucking blame. HEY COME ON! people do a mistakes. tell me one of a person that had been a goddamn great person in this universe and haven't done anything wrong. and that person is so sick and pathetic, im telling you. he/she had miss something called fucking LIFE. and they just can go fucking die. i just speak randomly, and no offense. i was talking to myself actually. boo-yahh! but i admit i had this heavy heart feeling to please my self, anymore. so fucking tired man.

I just filled my whole time with a fucking killing bored routine. oh and what is that? Fucking Nothing! Sucked More Like Hell.

And a new goal coming right up! and its nothing to do with a boys. urgh fuck it. just a goal to achieve to see whether i can do it or not. i dont say anything about move. not a fucking word as a move im using. Im just fucking annoyed right now, Ha Ha Haaa! - laughing like peanut's laugh.

The End. Im outtta! :)

Come with me, We travel to babylon.

2010-01-24T02:25:00.000-08:00

This is what happens when you had this kind a person as a friends. i dont know why and i dont know what to say if you doesnt believe in me. i just.. i just dont give a fuck. i had too much. but however im forgiving you and dont put a little blame on you. i just know what you are because you are my best friend since secondary school :)

May god bless you. I love you friend.

It made me realize that life is just full of surprises - good and bad.

2010-01-20T01:54:00.001-08:00

what the heck man? what the heck am doing right now? being such a lame fucker ever, doing nothing. with no classes for this week because i didnt register any subject yet for this semester, thank god its a long semester :) thats mean i will have a plenty much time to sleepssss. HAHA!
haih ili already away to kl while im sleeping and leave me alone here. suddenly i felt real sad and i dont know why. but yeah happy for the futsal training last night, its working out girls! haha but anyways, im playing because i want to get rid of this unnecessary fats, dude. i hate jogging so futsal is the answer. plus i want to put away my stresses.

so i've been living in the worst stress that one could possibly have. as if living in fear and afraid of death, like something bad going to happen. plus when last night on my way to sport planet, there was accident and i saw a dead body lying and its was not cool at all. LIVE okay! somehow i feel phobia out of sudden. fucker motherchucker. enough about a death. im just waiting a call from a grim ;p

YOU.

both of us are on the opposite sides of the fence. the memories of everything that I shared comes back to haunt me. i admit it is difficult for me eventhought im trying all my gut and put on it but still the same. and i dont know what wrong with me. it is a huge shock and the world turns upside down when the first time happens. when i recollect the words we spoke while arguing and quarreling, im ask to myself "did i said like that" "why you being that stupid" and now the memory keeps coming back and creates a hell. im doing whatever it takes to let out as much emotion as possible. go through the whole thing from start to finish and keep going until i cant analyze it any further. be alone on that first night. cry myself to sleep, but brace yourself. woke up the next day was the worst moment of all. what have i done/felt/said this past few months its not because of you, but because im feeling guilty to myself. and thats the only one thing you wrong about me.

you: who knows someday right? i dont want say much.

me: someday never really comes, does it?

so many things you said i want to say something but rather to say something else than what im really want to say. that was true when people said sometimes you think you have gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you are just pretending you are over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours, when in the same time he thinking bout someone else. the worst scarred ever for knowing that.

its just feel difference because i never feel loving someone like this real bad. really different than the old me. hey i know of somethings you aint told me.

I will not live. I already dead.

2009-12-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

Eight billion people in the world and I STILL WANT YOU.

Woman crap and stranger crying.

2009-11-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

those were the best time of my life. the time im with you. im smiling for you :)

a broken record has a thousand answers to countless contradictions. your condition is running through the streets again. now i have drained my thoughts onto an empty page with ink as red as blood. some words were never meant to be, like i was talking to myself. i drew a picture to remind me. what you look like. when its raining im use a lot of heavy words that never get me anywhere. the circle vent is cycling. another year has lived an died. i was talking to myself, figure out crying at midnight skies. fill this room with superstitious smile.

even my self dont know what im saying. what im trying to say here. IM REBEL now. rebel because of you.

i'll say everything about you here and i'll not let you know.

2009-11-19T13:05:00.000-08:00

let me get this straight.

i have to count until 20 november 2019.

10 years so starts counting!

park at your own risk.

2009-11-17T15:17:00.000-08:00

so here im now, 7.25 in the morning. and i got a class at 8. no no im not woke up early. its just i cant SLEEEEEP. so many thing i have been thinking, that cause me. but its nescafe anyways makes me awake, alive, round eyes, and not abit sleepy.

i had nothing better to do. done abit of my works. not abit but just three four question, and pop! i just did. im gone lazy as hell. instead doing my works, im listening to some songs. its kinda lame to me if you write a lyrics in blog. but this one really touched my heart deeply. so im not going to copy and paste the whole lyrics. its just some word that so hmm lovely, some sort of that way.

But there's someone i have been missing and i think that they could be the better half of me. So i say come home, i have been waiting for you so long. And right now there's a war between the vanities but all i see is you and me. And the fight for you is all i have ever known. I got lost in the beauty of everything i see. It might start now or maybe i just dreaming out loud. Everything i cant be is everything you should be. And thats why i need you here. So hear this now, come home come home cause i have been waiting you for so long.

hmm ohh okay then.

bye. i have to get ready.

Search your hearts, You know you cant deny it.

2009-11-15T20:22:00.000-08:00

12.30 evening. as usual i had no class on monday. since this last 4 days i have gone to sleep early, after i had done the works. nowadays still cant stable my mood properly. and its disturbing my sleeps :( im awake almost every an hour. this earlier morning, some guy came and set up the internet. thought of going back to sleep, i took a shower and went to campus to check the money in the bank. and darn! the bank was under construction. shitfuckbullockmofo! but nevermind, went to block b to submit tutorial and went back home. haih tired out of me. trying to get a sleep but cant so i watched a dvd. hee green street hooligans. what the F haha.

but anywaysssss.

i cant still get rid of this feeling. this feeling is so called tortures. fuckfuckfuck. whats suppose you want me to say, want me to do. i dont know how to use a exact words to say to you what im really sorry about, what im really want to say.

come close and listen to this heart. about a love that more faithful than a morning view. the girl gave only her's heart to the boy just to save it. we were free and made alive. but now, her entire world was shaking in the dark. the day the true love died. and you the one who is constantly reminding me of how much you cares and how lucky i am to have you? i dont pretend to know what love is. you made me shed a tears that you're gone but im smiling outside because i knew you had lived and doing fine. did you? i close my eyes when i dont want to think about it because if not im seeing all the thing you left to me. and in the same time i pray that you'll come back to that you used to be. half of me saying that i can do this but i have to turn me back on tommorow and live in yesterday. you know that. i had a choice. i can cry and close my mind, be empty as i can and turn my back or do what you'd want, give a break?

you do have your right. please be more soft-hearted.

one hardest thing in this world is your loved one. and it can never be explained. for your information, its takes a lifetime to forget.

more than F.

2009-10-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

everything changed and its pretty weird for me to get used.
and now i dont know how am i gonna get through day after day without him?
time goes by quiet fast. like sriously, really fast. yeah fast than ever.
mother F.

the art of keeping a secret.

2009-10-16T04:36:00.000-07:00

"for the first time when i saw you i was afraid to meet you. when i met you i was afraid to love you. now that i love you, i am afraid to lose you." -SFZ

now im feeling alive. can help me keep this up? I DONT CARE what people want to say about it because its not they's heart to feel about it. its mine. im trying to be good as i can and live my life to the fullest. i never thought that you were mine. and the kindess person ever. please put my misery away.

since you know about me, im trying to hard for be the best as i can for you. im willing to change anything. you dont deserve a negative attitude of me, i dont mind what kind of person you are or what you want to be, what you want to do. as long as its not make me have a second doubt. there only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved but i dont want to feel this happiness too much. its well turn hurt somewhat, someday, somewhere. and i had so much miserable thing happened to me, in me. the miserable dont have any other solution but face it and made it as experience of life. am i that strong enough? people, please let me do, feel what i want to do, to feel. mistakes teach you to be a better person, no matter how awful that mistakes. i guess so. difference people difference perception.

okay. enough about sadest things.

i want to be a happiest girl ever. thank you for you, SK :)

im rock and you willing to roll it.

2009-09-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

1. i am in a raya mood. please dont spoil a thing. what can i do to make you appreciate me? i had my own way to live my life, bitch. but its so sick. sick enough man.

2. *no heart feeling* :)

3. sing along your call.
im always be confused unpredictable girl. people who know me, keep it for yourself. its just a waste to busying about mine :)

never interrupt your enemy when he/she making a mistakes.

2009-09-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

i cant differentiate between white and black. nowadays. everything going undercover. we know we shouldnt doing and that exactly what we do. my experience and mistakes have been learned slowly, real slow, than ever. and i dont know why. sometimes at one point i cant get off from my bed, and the worst part happen. started cant feel my tounge, my hand and cant even remember my face look alike. fuhh. its really that experienced? this just little. wait for more, and im used to it. but atleast i need some accompany. its not pathetic. its fun to having some fucking good kickass time more than alone.

but please dont make me pressure. im really cant control it.

and somehow i agreed the statement. this shit make the best cryptologists, i know because i have done some kickass shit and the next day there was no way i could figure out what the hell i did.

and thats what it called KALEIDOSCOPIC.

zwoink!

2009-08-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

dila said my blog full with a words.

AALAAAAH.

what to do, i dont have a GREAT PHOTO to show off :)

puts on her plastic face and DEAL with it? fuck man.

2009-08-19T06:17:00.000-07:00

im so mad. because i dont have any photo like this. fuck youu maan :P
party people aint me :)
because she is party peolpe.

electriqqq.

2009-08-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

every day every night i miss you :)

every day every night smoke :)

every day every night alone :)

every day every night main short-term physical effect :)

and i will quit doing my routine every wednesday night.

i have no idea what im talking about. shut up.

there is certainly more in future than back to 1904, and now im thinking about present.

2009-08-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

but if i feel something wrong and uneasiness, like somebody dies. there is a normal process of depression, and it is part of being human. and some people, or me myself see it as a learning experience. thats what i feel right now. but i dont learn anything yet.

certain people can handle this situation.

why does certain people just dont get over it? let me say this, what is happening, thats not falling in love but miss being in love. missing and falling something huge meaning, when its come to love and sometimes people get confused and somewhat there start to blame each other -between boy and girl. trust me, i have been there. and its not cool at all. i seen enough, i have seen mostly everything and i aint wish such a thing. im too depressed, im saying this, its not about me but yours. suck it suck it suck it!

####

finally im alive. im done with midterm test :)) still searching something that i can do by myself, something bizzare and creative. im not a working-brain person but im enjoying doing stuff. we will see :))

p/s: im not that emotional.

the day i wil never forget, 9 august 2009. never been the worst asshole.

i like CUTE guys :)

2009-08-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

hey im doing sight seeing, haha whatev's. and somehow, suddenly i love mk outfits nowdays. oversized tees/pullover with high heels :) and messy hair.

where my stuff go? its all missing, oh now i remember. my cousin -_-"
wehh, please return it. all of them. i bought with my money, not yours.

****

3 more days to go for the end of holidays. its 11 pm, and nothing much to do.

hey, in this middle of nothing-to-do im just ranting whats people had done in their life -what can i see, and understood duhh. someone just said something about something, and that makes me think. why does not we stand out being true to yourself and the people around you while there is so many fake? i cant probably do that, im no good at this :) im screw up everytime, everywhere :)

back to what im talking about, she said we all want to fit in but what a waste we get if you just fit in without changing yourself? hrmm how im suppose to know that? and she hardly said that, dont end up doing whatever everyone else doing,just to fit in. be who you are. should i? he he :)
and more, if you not sure or getting confused, just write down what qualities thing you would like to have and act like you have it.

im gonna try it at once.

oh yeah, she is my mom. she said all of sudden because caught me for smoking.
ohh how your business going, mom? hopes it going well hah, i heard you want to open another outlet. at jonker street. suddenly you got that alots of money hah? never mind, its yours anyways. im happy for you :) best of luck.

taking a break, for awhile

2009-07-31T03:30:00.000-07:00

yeaah, have some nice holidays folks. currently missing my peers, so damn much. all my plan for this break ruined, haaih never mind. better be prepare next time. and this hol's nothing much better to do than having this gain knowledge, about whatev's :)

so many to do so little time to wasted.

looking forward to watch this movie. again.
1. van wilder
2. hang over
3. 17 again (awesome! damn it, you are sooo cute zac)

smile people, smile always eventhought you hurts inside :)

huge wake up call :)

2009-07-26T02:22:00.000-07:00

its been a while since my last post. i dont have a story to write about, nor feeling to pour out. im a bit confused. last this three two days, i dont get enough sleep. been pretty "busy". with helmi's birthday, hanging around like wild ( i dont do anything, like seriously) i better stop doing this kind of stuff. how come i can pass this opportunities, only if HE ask or will be hanging around together LOL! :D

i cant wait for mid-term break. haih :)

i have some work to be done. two ass-igment group project. oh c'mon man.

say what you like about my bloody "murderous" life,

2009-07-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

i want to refresh my mind into something peaceful. i will not think/say a thing if you had smile at me once. i wanted to stop the scream-ess! this is the new ME. please be more supportive. im too still-can-handle mood untill i can singing songs about a shitz. but you screw up this time,man.

but dont insult me poor self-bleeding. get it? gee, is that my face? LOL!

cut him off. let him miss you.

2009-07-17T02:45:00.000-07:00

today i dont have a class. yeah, every friday. my class was only monday till thursday. wants to talk about class, but yet im lazy to write about it LAME. last night, i was awake pretty late and woke up 2 pm, like that. and nothing better to do, just ranting here.

i dont even eat anything yet. im hungry weh -_-

oh by the way,i just saw he's just not that into you. i kinda like that movie. its sweet obviously, and gave me some idea and perception into "whatev's". im not sure which part scene/character i was. HAHA im pretty sure that im the exception one. you see, mine is was like this. he was my past. he broke up with me, said that he didnt feel like it could be something serious and dont good at the "situation". i understood and took it well. he wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. i said sure. but we're in the distance, so probably not much we could hanging out. so he's really, really cute and funny and thoughtful and and i love having err whateverrrrrrr. i also think he must like me if he cant stop saying a things to me. and i think its kinda cool -all pressure's off. i have decided that i think its fine and im not going to call his attention. except for the fact that we broke up.

but my cousin,friend all say i should stop talking to him. but i think he misses me, because he said so. and i like that. i miss him. i feel if i stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great i am and same goes to me.

and im very much grown up to think wisely of the right thing to do.

and this is another story. i wanted to get over it. she's too fraud and a fucked little bitch. have ever felt like you just dont like that person because of what the had done or whatev's? ehh i dont even remember what she had done wrong to me. why? because i already dont think about it too much! but then, its not a big deal untill we had to see "someone with clique" too often, especially when we at this place and you cant do anything about it and have to just breathe in the same air that annoys you because their stink? actually im not that type of person, a good hater as she does. but somehow, every time i saw her face or bump into her at wherever, its really make me want to let this out somehow. do you want a piece of me? its really not cool to show of yours and dance like a puppet and playing pushed on purpose. on purpose,im telling you.

but however, im in the happy mood :))) and i will forgive you because i dont want to had a hard feeling with you guys, because im feeling that you were never exist.

bye :)

from blogger to who?

2009-07-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

this shit keep me pretty busy, with a thing. a thing, some sort of stuff. if there a thing infront of me, i would mention about it but still searching a exact words to use.

last text i received. its happened a long time ago, i guess.

what kind of sweet person i am? there a plenty more guys out there, more good than i am. i dont know how to say it. its really give me a headache. and i can think wisely. just leave me alone.

and i just reply like

*whatev's till the end, blah blah blahh* and the famous last word:
every night i dreamt about you, si gila yang menjerit macam perempuan.

____________________________________________________________________

*SOME TEXT MISSING*

in my shoes. care to fit in?

2009-07-10T01:01:00.000-07:00

im trying to do my tutorial homework -financial accounting 1. but i dont know how to do it. i cant understand what the heck she -(my lecturer) teaching about. you should teach more obvious, make your student understand very clear. its too complicated. and besides, i dont have any basic account. the server was fucking shit, sometimes connect and after a few minutes later had no connection. kept happened from yesterday.

im hungry right nooooooooooooooooow. ohh headache headache!

i should post about something else, something inspired or cheerful. BYE!

permission denied by YOU.

2009-06-25T01:49:00.000-07:00

*the conversation hang*

the text is not exact. but its still sound a same meaning.
and please listen to bliss by my precious. do understand the words deeply.

shiaaaaaaat.

2009-06-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

currently listening to bitter heart by zee avi. weh, you getting me annoyed over the time. why? because its the way he/she is. why? because im not too annoyed like he/she. why? because he/she dont know what a life meaning, i guess. but i dont care. i hope something will change something surround here. hopefully.

just a thought of something, its really make me mad. did i disturbing you anyway? if not so, dont be rude while im eating, you crappy little dirty dog. errgggh, its really upsetting me! shaaaattup!

p/s: dont ever do you annoyed-face again. did i say you pretty? no. did i say you ugly. no. i just say you pretty ugly.

i got it from somewhere else. thank you.

i have to go. i have a "meeting" at 2.30 pm.

lost and gone. WOW!

2009-06-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

im quiet happy what have i done today. im proud to myself. and i dont know why suddenly i have this big no-no for something. hahaha all the way im just laughing to myself, i dont have any idea how come this situation can happened. but still, im proud for myself. thats the thing im searching inside me, have a self-confident and and just say no with a fierce face. usually im not this kind of person.

heyy,i really thought that we had something out of the ordinary. but HAHA you just making me laugh. mean that you making a fool of yourself. a pretty good one. and i dont get it, what game that you planning anyway? man, thats not maturity. err its my thought, sorry if im "totally" wrong. we cant get along very very very well, im sorry but you not my dream's man anymore. pfft :o

and one more thing. girls. you never know what they are going to think.

im over-proud untill i can pee on my pant. haa? no, im mean like im an uncaring asshole and proud than love is bullshit. emotion is bullshit. a jerk. haaa, oh no im crapping alot. sorry.

i will become like this when i become like this. get it? haa? erggh, cant bother enough. goodnight ://

oh wait, before that i just want to say i already got my final results. dont know how to say. how come i can fail the subject that i score and pass another one. ergggh, its really pissed me off. LFY, you really good at this hah? ohh forget it, but for first week trimester i hope it will be okaaaaaay. PLEASEEEE, PRETTY PLEASEEEEEEEEE *cross-finger

supplementary of course, duuuuh -_-" what are you thinking about?

fine fine fine, loser.

2009-06-04T04:02:00.001-07:00

situation 1: i like this boy more than i have ever liked anyone else. he told me he liked me too, but then he got a girlfriend. i dont know what to do or say anymore. he still acts like he likes me yet he's still in a relationship. i dont think he understands how bad i want to be with him. its actually kind of pathetic how much I like him. its like not love.

****

situation 2: this is note to myself-once you in victory be humble. and once you in defeat be strong. dont praise yourself and condemn others.

****

situation 3: in once i thought, motivation is whats get you started and habit is what keeps you going.

someone watching over me.

2009-05-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

sepet-eye or gold fish-eye?
and i want to be ~~small kid~~ again. no vacancy.

lets hold hand and listen to shity band.

2009-05-18T01:32:00.000-07:00

and i feel like to write something. i have read this some article and in a blink of eye,its change my perception toward myself. but i have to read it on other thousand article, to more in the know. as i recollect sar-constancy-list, i wanted to change so much. the first step to changing any aspect of my lifestyle is understanding why am i want to. now i have to understand and manage what i really want to not what i think i have to. understand to myself why i want to become this. and i dont need anyone to forced me what their want me to be. i will never accomplish anything. if i try to impress other people around me, its the very essence of immaturity. sometimes i think of the consequences of not being what i want and how unhappy i will be if faced with those consequences. its really hard to stay motivated if im not to. exactly, im telling myself. but who i want to pick up to be my ROLE MODEL? i really to have one. my mom? my friends? err i have no idea. perhaps a writer or journalist? what a difference between them? as i know, writer is psycho. and i want to be a risk taker for that? haaih.

ohh im lose. where were i?

oh yeaa, i got some idea. i want to watch news everday. i want to know more about a world. i will pay attention what happening surround me and keep my mouth shut and act dumb. speak when people ask my opinion. or else just look at the people around me. and i have to, eh no no i want to be responsible. pick my clothes on the floor, wash dishes after using it, study, get a job, get more responsibilities. but i do pick clothes by my own and put on the heap of the clothes and of course i washed my own dishes, likee d-uuuh. and obviously, i dont need to show my secret-needed to my peers or who-ever-know-me.

haha and the best part is, i really dont want to wear a shirt that says something like this "hi,im a trouble-maker" or "hello,you speaking with the loser" but i have one that says "get your own rule" something like that. is that okay? and i dont realize the way i talk. do i sequeal many times? i dont think i use words 'like' too often because i dont speaking with my friends. i have to know somehow and try to get the point. but sometimes when i really cant take the pressure, i ry talk slower in somewhat deeper conversation. there i see some changing in myself and i have to avoid using words that i use with my friends too often. note to myself, dont get too excited while talking, stay focused and try breathing slow and steady. can i? i too excited and clumsy.

and from now on, i will try to listen to my parent's advice. maybe they only want whats best for me and they wont steer me wrong. haa? shit-canned. now i know why suddenly, i wrote the every post in afull word not in short-form. HAHA me knows better. and i will not afraid to use a big word anyways. do you have a dyslexia? :p

####

oh i miss out-of-gas make-out guy. lazy to hang out with you.

####

and i bored with jerk-species. so do you,shity.

someone said it.

2009-05-08T13:46:00.001-07:00

live your life. accomplish your goal. and then you can die.

it is me or she was too paranoid?

2009-05-07T02:07:00.000-07:00

err err im too full. and this place smell real bad, i dont know where it come from. oh man, its really give me a headache. i want to cut my hair. maybe a bit short.

the class is tonight okay. 8 to 10 at FBL studio A .

i have to shit now.

took from sara old blog.

2009-04-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

i loved to write but no one cares after all. people said real writers keep journal. i've had....oh i dont know, plenty enough i guess. one of my journal,if i could remember. it had a shiny blue cover,with photo of fish. yea yea, yellow black fish. i dont know what kind fish it is. every page had skimpy sections,with a date at the top of each. there was space enough fr maybe three sentences if your handwriting was small. mine kinda scrowls. besides,my life is too big to fit into those squinched-up pages. i gave it to my friend,i ask her to write down something bout herself but till now,she never returned it back. my friends,that not close with me said i has a smaller life and tidy writing, oh wtf? haha :D

i love to be inspired. i write the journal,because writing something makes me thinking. peoples thought. complicated thought.

some of my friends,kinda busy-body person. she wanted to read my journal. so i bought some book that look pretty enough,i did it and,like assignments go,it wasn't bad. but of course,u could only put down stuff that u wouldn't mind her knowing. my private life is not her affair. two days past, when i got it back though and she said 'hurrm,quiet interesting'. i was like pfft!,i felt like a fraud.

my favourite journal. it is elegant. the pages are creamy ann feel like the best art paper when you stroke them. the outside is covered with a deep green fabric which has tiny nosegays scattered over it. i love it. maybe someday,my life will be elegan enough to match it. i hope so. im saving it carefully just in case. my last journal,i bought for myself. it is hardcover book. it has lots of room on every page. somedays,i write six or seven full pages about what i am feeling and thinking. other days i dont even pick it up or if i do i just write something like 'Another day lived through!' i draw pictures of cute robot in it or paste in a copy of a word/poem/quote i like :)

today,i felt terrible enough! fak life? :o

INDEED!

dont forget my heart, you left it in your pocket.

2009-04-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

do boys have to buy us drinks in cafe? do they will called boys when they with hairspray and denim? what exactly boy mean? or something that was happened last two three day.

not psychotic or dramatic. i like boys and that is that. boys do have attitude. but mostly
their drop it somewhere else.

i dont go to my business mathematic tutorial class and microeconomic tutorial class. because im not in the mood. i sleep back till 1 o'clock. suddenly bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt! argh incoming call. its my mom, she asked me when does my class finished. i said in 15 30 minutes more. then she said i can come have a lunch with her at island red cafe bukit beruang. i said okay okay, later i will come. i ate spicy chicken chop with thai sauce and island milk tea that exactly same as mamak's teh ais. pfft! and im having my lunch with some uneasiness sound. mother, please stop it.
i know i know, but how can i get 4 flat respectively? im not kind of a robot. haaih but i will try for you and i hope you keep your promised okay,mother. obviously how i can i beat my mom 3.95 cgpa? ergggh!

after i had finished my lunch, im straight go to some this boutique near my campus. i wanted to buy black waist-belt but already sold out. the owner said the stock will come next week. i was like haaih okay, i wait and i bought something else, a short. because i dont know what i want to buy. then i went to bbp to rest my butt. 3.45 pm i get ready and went to library. 5 pm i had english class. this week is presentation week. we all have to present about some product, whatever kind of product. its not about good product you want to tell but its about our presentation skills. i hope i dont shaking like hell. its will be embarrassing. i hope i hope *crossing finger.

i dont even see them for today. im okay. now what i want to do? how about sleep for 2 hours. and my new word is YOUR BRAIN,DUDEE. have a nice hair. can i change it? im bored when people said have a nice day. because when someone said to me like that, something i dont ask will happen. shits day ever. thank you.

hate hate and hate.

2009-04-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

i like and hate what happened today. i like because he already started texting me. but i dont feel really excited or like my heart is jumping. its seem i dont have any interested about anything. maybe because of my allergic that really killing me right now. im sick. im not okay. im having a bad flu and coughing real bad.
thats what happened when im middle of the business mathematics class. i had to held my cough like fucking hurt. untill i started to cry. i went to toilet 2, 3 times. came back from toilet, lecterur seperated the student. i said oh yeaah, quizzz. when i just want to put my butt on the chair, the lecterur called my name and asked me to sit infront, first row. i was like whaddafaak! next to me yeah niggers. yeah i do like >:pp really like, eeeeww! the quiz just had 3 question but i dont even know how to answer it because im in bad situation. at least i will get 3 marks for answered the quiz :D

to someone:wants to be my boyfriend? could you do me some favour? wipe your face with my ass :p

no one wanted to talked with me, i really dont mind because im texting with someone. he's so cute. he want to come to melaka for next wednesday, i dont feel anything just happy cause he want to see me and pick me up and go to...haaaih im really not in the mood. abit down. the worst.

goodnight. i want to kill myself.

for sure maybe not.

2009-04-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

ladies and gentelmen, i would like to say WHATHEFAK! now im feeling a bit down. erghh i hate like this. i just came back from my cousin's house. with smelly and stinky shirt. okaay, let me tell from the start. after i arrived from hanging out with afiq and ain. i went to my cousin's house. i thuoght i will be for awhile. but suddenlly my mom called and said she want to go out with others. so i said okay. she asked me did i bring the house's key? i such a moron i just said yea yea, i brought it. but acctually i didnt bring anything with me even my cellphone. my mom said okay then. a few minutes later, when i really really thought of something straight away i called back my mom and ask for the key. she already half way to the place and i said nevermind. so i gossip gossip with my cousin. and i hate when i had this bad luck. i do really hate it.

when i will be teach to be open minded? so i will greatful to it. and plus the stupidity that i cant thrown away.

and i do have a list that im not grateful at all. pfft.

haaa about today. i dont want to share a things. but he's sooo cute. i hate you but i want you always. as a friend maybe? but... okay whatever.

i dont know when i will be transform. i wait the times come. i have to do something. but im too tired to think for my own good. but one thing for sure that i do, i have learned from mistakes. thats why i like to be critism. i enjoy create facts and theory. thats for me but i didnt follow abit. wait wait so what if my life's a bit too fucked up? what i have do with my life is non of your fucking business so if you want to go on rating about what I done to my life,faaaak you. better you wash your on butt. make it clean and you can say whatever you want,bitch mouth. i do enjoy you talking about me. cause you making me popular.

i dont had a good night. not even one since 4 april. when i dont want think about it, i try laugh out loud for real and forget about everything. but its true, we cant be too happy and laugh like hell. you will be sad after all. yeaa, its really fucking true bitch. so better i just laugh like HA HA..oh enough. but i prefer to think about something sweet that i ever had. cant really say much though but i will smiling the whole time and im starting to think its fucking obvious that im starting to what-what :DD thats when i about to down. but its good to be hanging out with my close friends :) good company just makes my days better. im pathetic, yeah i know. thank you for make my day miserable.

a lovely hang out.

2009-04-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

i have many to write. okay, let see. maybe i will start from last thursday. everything happened exactly like a drama. but i bet its for awhile. im in middle of the situation. im stuck. do i have a big mouth? should i hold my tounge? its not like i wanted to fucked up your life but i just want to know something because from that, i can make conclusion by myself. i dont like to hear rumors.

i know you hate me now. oh be sorry because i dont give a damn.

night, we all have fun? yeaa but not all of us went to enjoy. haha last night was really hillarious. i hope this will end as soon as possible. because i cant stop laughing. this is bullshit. i rather to do anything except to accept it. he can leave we guys just like that, he dont even turn back to say goodbye or tell us that he want to go back. all i can say BABI DOWH DIE than we laughed.

we went to subaidah hang tuah mall and had my supper, roti telur with teh ais. we talked laughed talked and laughed then we go back, around 5 am. soon i arrived, i started to do my tutorials but im stucked at totuorial 4 quetion 3.4 and i was like fuck up fuck up! i still doing my works untill i didnt hear televisison sound. so i assumed that everyone must gone to sleep. i straight switch off the lamp and low speed of the fan and sleep. seriuoshit im in heaven.
11 am the fucking alarm makes me want to throw the cellphone outside the windows. azyan entered the room while i was sleeping and suddenly im awake. she asked when was my class. i not able to open my eyes and my mouth, i just showed 3 fingers as a sign. and i continued my sleep. then again azyan enter and said sara, dah pukul 2. i get up and straight went to bathroom. get ready. oh shit! my business mathematics tutorial! oh my oh my! i didnt do a bit. and the conclusion i just submitted the tutorial 1 to 3 that i done a couple month ago. where does my spirit go? bullshitsss.

night friday, 10 pm we all went to jonker. and i bought my sandals, red colour. same pattern as azyan and kay. before this i always borrowed their sandals. now i have my own. haha you such a swindling,sara! contemplated the jonker want to closed. we guys went to mcD dataran pahlawan to eat. i ate fillet-o-fish. wait wait, he was here too! oh i like him sooo much. damn cutee! i thought he was bumptious but we laughed togeher. CUTE. i swear. when we all wanted to go back, he ask nak sikit air and i said oh boleh boleh then he said eee,you dah gigit haha so embarrassing.
we continued hang out at a snooker pub and played snooker. he so cute, im no lie if not my nose will be long like a pinochio. :pp and he really kind. i hope you dont have a girlfriend.

i arrived home at 2.15 am and start to post this blog. all because i want to mention about him HAHA :pp

keep saying the same things, i sick of it.

2009-04-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

what a day? i cant sleep because of something that even myself cant figure it out. for this whole week, from monday. everthing happened OHHMYGOD! now its 4.24 am.
monday? nothing. i went to class as usual. tuesday a bit tired with classes and so on. wednesday? just now. erghh i been tired of running everywhere. with my classes, assigment, tutorials. i hope my thursday can be a pretty great day. because friday will be a miserable. i have to do everything. submit the tutorial 1 to 6. each tutorial had about 40 to 50 questions. furthermore, i have to see all my lecterur. fiveee lecterur! to ask if im in potential barring or not. obviously my computer application had been barred. whaaaadafaak ;pp i hate everthing about computer. its not fun at all, what a wasteee :p but i have to.

ohh for god's sake, what is happening right now? i was like stupid person. im invovled in this situation accidently. what im going to do? oh help me! i will treat you as a gift, because helping me. arggh i cant take it anymore.

full of shitsssss. i bet if you dont think about this to much, its not a big deal. this is life. you cant sit on the top all over the time. sometimes you will be at the bottom. its like a rollercoaster. ohh its that cool? haaih as long i can stand, i will stand. but dont make me scream like La Quiete's vocalist.

night or morning? i got to go. i must get some sleep or else.

different faces.

2009-04-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

see its come again. i didnt ask for purpose. have you ever felt like you just somehow couldnt be strong anymore because of all shits that going on in your life? i do. i cant do it anymore, i cant prentending. pretend normal as everyone else. erggh! whaaathefaak,wo-men. and the big deal is have you ever felt like you just never want to really be yourself cause not everyone can really except you as yourself.

haaih fakfakfak ;o

anyway,im bored. for real. and i do feel like going out but i dont know where i want to go. plus its really hot and i have to switch on two fan exactly infront of my face. and i dont know who i want to ask out with? all because of ciggie only. if my mom here, i have to get out from this house because its really killing me. i dont know why, not because i hate her. but she wont like to see me to do something. everthing i did, she will say a words in a mean way. ergh i do hate that. im your daughter. can you be more respectful? i will apperciate it. oh alia ask me to join her to go to pc fair at mahkota parade. i love to but i cant. because i relly cant. besides, i still in process to saving some money instead wasting it to something unneccessary stuff.

i dont like to think so much because in the same time i will be broke. moneylesss because have to buy cigarette. rm6.50 x 3=$19.50. haa about 20 bucks a week. ohmygoood! i do hate myself right now. erggh thats why i wish to been in coma. ohh my! i must be crazy, because im crapping now. garbage!

some more to say, i've been going out too much. and now, going out is the last thing i want to do and staying at home? err its okay, i dont mind. cause i can watch tv, sleep for hours, clean my room or whole house and plus a exercise. eheem, i dont watch telly, i still dont clean up my room but i have been exercising alot. especially tummy. and i working hard on losing those unwanted fats.

now, i want to take some shower. its really HOT, i cant stand it any longer.

this is fucking me.

2009-04-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

i am a young girl. a grown woman. i am confident and scared. terrified and excited. im not an abstractionist. im not interested in the relationship of color or form or anything else. im interested only in expressing basic human emotions: tragedy,ecstasy,doom and so on. im playing with typography. i hope life isnt a big joke,because i dont get it. i dont care much about music. what i like is sounds.

LOVE STORY. you are the best. yes,i do regret. i cant be the first person to have difficulty taking you seriously,can i?

easy as pie.

2009-04-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

i have no work. i have no one. i have done something bad. i mainly i dont like when people make me look or feel guilty. and forced me to do what i dont want to do. i do have feeling. today , suddenly make me turns to a anti -social person. because im not in the mood for to-do-something-wrong. im sorry for those who texted me.

im s s s sorry. im screwed. i have to changed.

she answer like this.

2009-04-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

and you were right, LOVE. they're boys. they spit on you.

second combat.

2009-04-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

second day for my second entry. i keep changing my template for this blog. i dont know what its look like. today saturday, i dont have any plan. even though with my friends. when can i get my best amusing day ever? when can i get to know some boy? too many cute boy, oh heaven help me. i like the way i am now but if only..... okay whatever.

haa those time when im with you. feeling that im had is sooo NICE. i like that way, i really do. i know boys trick but better im take some step to back off. cause i know once i get closer to him, everything will go wrong. and im not taking that risk.

im only in love with my mom haziq arina. plus education music art and the big things FUTURE.

a new one.

2009-04-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

someone have to changed for others. like what im doing right now.

by the way im sara, nineteen years old. looking forward to do something better for my life. hopefully *crossfinger