It made me realize that life is just full of surprises - good and bad.

what the heck man? what the heck am doing right now? being such a lame fucker ever, doing nothing. with no classes for this week because i didnt register any subject yet for this semester, thank god its a long semester :) thats mean i will have a plenty much time to sleepssss. HAHA!
haih ili already away to kl while im sleeping and leave me alone here. suddenly i felt real sad and i dont know why. but yeah happy for the futsal training last night, its working out girls! haha but anyways, im playing because i want to get rid of this unnecessary fats, dude. i hate jogging so futsal is the answer. plus i want to put away my stresses.

so i've been living in the worst stress that one could possibly have. as if living in fear and afraid of death, like something bad going to happen. plus when last night on my way to sport planet, there was accident and i saw a dead body lying and its was not cool at all. LIVE okay! somehow i feel phobia out of sudden. fucker motherchucker. enough about a death. im just waiting a call from a grim ;p



YOU.

both of us are on the opposite sides of the fence. the memories of everything that I shared comes back to haunt me. i admit it is difficult for me eventhought im trying all my gut and put on it but still the same. and i dont know what wrong with me. it is a huge shock and the world turns upside down when the first time happens. when i recollect the words we spoke while arguing and quarreling, im ask to myself "did i said like that" "why you being that stupid" and now the memory keeps coming back and creates a hell. im doing whatever it takes to let out as much emotion as possible. go through the whole thing from start to finish and keep going until i cant analyze it any further. be alone on that first night. cry myself to sleep, but brace yourself. woke up the next day was the worst moment of all. what have i done/felt/said this past few months its not because of you, but because im feeling guilty to myself. and thats the only one thing you wrong about me.


you: who knows someday right? i dont want say much.

me: someday never really comes, does it?

so many things you said i want to say something but rather to say something else than what im really want to say. that was true when people said sometimes you think you have gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you are just pretending you are over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours, when in the same time he thinking bout someone else. the worst scarred ever for knowing that.

its just feel difference because i never feel loving someone like this real bad. really different than the old me. hey i know of somethings you aint told me.